Confession

On the eve of my last tour as a Sandeman's New Prague guide, I suppose I would be remiss if I didn't take a moment to look back on the last 11 months.

The job I have being doing for close to a year has fulfilled many a quota on a perfect job list, but there's no such thing as a perfect job. They are called hobbies.

I must have given over 200 tours during this time and easily over 2000 tourists, and there very few that I remember very well.

I of course do remember some and I bet those people that I remember now will be images that stick with me when I remember this time in my life 40-50 years down the line.

But even though the job is the reason I came out here, it's not the reason I stayed. I could have left several months back and there were many a moment that I thought I should have. I stayed because of my friends of course. Within the confines of the job I outlasted a helluva lot of them. Some people who were only here for short periods, some who were here for several months, some of them who still are here and have moved on to bigger and better things - but not always.

Considering the amount of my friends that have been forcibly removed from their position as SNE guides, I consider myself lucky to have been able to keep this job for so long. According to Daddy himself the average lifespan of an SNE guide is 5-6 months.

I will be going home to pursue my love of writing, but who knows maybe you'll see me on the streets of London giving tours through the Big Smoke, but otherwise I guess Confessions of a Tour Guide, like I've said in a previous post, won't be Confessions of a Tour Guide for much longer. I will keep writing as I've landed an internship with altsounds.com so I will be reviewing music there that you can check out.

Maybe I will continue to blog and just change the title to Confessions of... the unemployed I'll have to see when I get home but otherwise...

... like I said right at the top of today's tour, me and my colleagues at Sandeman's New Europe, don't receive any other funding for this, so if I have entertained and informed you guys enough today, if you feel today's tour was worth paying for, then I will except your tips, but if you wanna help out in other ways, go back to your hostel, your hotel, whoever recommended you and give them a big kiss on the lips and say thanks, if not, then take a flier slap in the face with it and say why not!

Music

Music should be written for yourself, no one else. The term ‘selling out’ derived from artists and musicians going against their natural sound and style of music. When an artist naturally changes their sound over a certain period of time, it’s less about selling out and more about progressing.

Green Day are a perfect example of a band progressing. Those guys have been playing music together since they were about 14/15. Their original punk style, stuff that you might hear on 1039 Smoothed Out Slappy Faces in which their songs were about wanking alone in their bedroom because no one understands them is the perfect lyrical content for a teenager even if their musicality could have been a bit more intelligent.

They then slowly progressed into the classic works like Nimrod, in which the two combined. The music started to get a little more intelligent and even though they were still singing about the same sort of stuff it was all put together slightly more intelligently.

Then Warning had them expand musically and their lyrics became slightly more out there but you still had the sense they were Green Day.

Which brings us to today, even though I am not a fan of their new work as much, I don’t believe they have sold out. The band are trying to do things musically that pushes boundaries, and the lyrics seem to have resorted back to them being teenagers in a nostalgic sense. They are still Green Day but they are far removed from what they started out with but it has been a natural progression of music.

Then there’s bands like Good Charlotte who had two albums about angst and growing up on the mean streets without their father and the struggles they’ve had and writing songs about how they hate the Rich and the Famous. Next thing you know they are rich and famous and are the people they used to sing about and make fun of, dating rich daughters of famous fathers and openly calling their style ‘emo’. What artist willing wants to be placed into that category unless you’re so far up your own arse, you are willing to sell out.

If Jay-Z still rapped about how much coke he’s selling these days he wouldn’t still be around, subject and talent progresses, it’s the heart and soul that stays the same.

But my original point was that you should write music for yourself, not people you hate, not people that hate you, not for someone you love or someone that loves you. You should write your music for you, if a song is about those people, grand, but it shouldn’t be for them. The moment you do that you have no heart or soul, no passion, and if you lose that you will never become the artist you want to.

A Chata de Praga, what a wonderful phrase, A Chata de Praga, it aint no passing phase

A chata is this awesome place that Czech’s were given during communist times to basically have holidays and weekends away in. Obviously they weren’t allowed outside the country and had to settle on holidaying inside the country. I went with M and T down to T’s family chata and it involved driving down this country road that quite frankly last looked like it was paved the first time they paved it, and instead of continuing down said lumpy road T veered off and started driving into the middle of the field. Of course your first thought is ‘Oh my God, I’m going to be raped and murdered and chopped up into a pile then thrown in the river’.

T found good parking spot underneath a tree and surrounded by a bush, just next to the disabled parking and we then grabbed all of our stuff out the car, pushed back some branches, walked over some undergrowth until a shape appeared, a shape that was shaped into the shape of a house. It was an odd shape to appear in the middle of a woodland area.

We proceeded to walk down the path and yes, indeed the shape was a house, but to be more precise, a chata.

T’s parents and grandparents had managed to trim back enough of the forestry to essentially create a garden. They had their own things growing, plants in pots, picnic tables (albeit a rickety one), campfires set up, and everything a normal garden has.

Due to the lateness, we decided grab some food, some beer, light a fire and catch an earlyish night. Btw, peanut snips rock.

So the next morning, we woke up at a reasonable hour and I found myself able to relax in the sun for 60 minutes. And after some breakfast we went for a walk to collect elderflower. Myself, not being great at the outdoorsy stuff, felt like a city slicker whilst the other two went in search of elderflower trees and examined the flower itself before determining that realistically we should have been picking said flowers two weeks ago. I smiled nodded and picked them anyway.

After our little adventures we returned upon the chata to do a little bit of work in the garden, have and make some food. As old chata’s rarely have such modern cooking appliances it soon came to my understanding that instead of an oven, we would be cooking large chunks of turkey meat on an outside grill – not a BBQ, an outside grill, there is, as I have discovered, a difference.

Due to unfortunate circumstances, said grill was deemed problematic as the motor that would turn the meat was broken meaning that some muggins would get the short straw of sitting in front of the oven, hand-turning the meat for an hour. Who do you think got that job? Well at least I didn’t have to mow the lawn. After food we would then make our way back to Prague to commence watching the Germany vs England World Cup match…

This was all going rather well until I revealed a little too late that actually the Germany vs England World Cup football match started at four, in what would have been approximately 45 minutes. Being an hour and a half removed from Prague and only just sitting down for food it was deemed impossible that such catchings of matches would ever occur.

So post-munch, we went back to the garden retiring to the fact that no football would be viewed by our tired eyes.

The garden soon became tidy, the car soon became packed and the two travellers and I were soon on the road again. On route, a stop off became imminent as T’s mother had to be picked up.

T’s parents lived on a plot of land that literally had a shack built on it in which they housed. Surrounding the shack, they had grown lots of different foods to essentially live off, ranging from Strawberries, peppers, tomatoes, not to mention the flower gardens. The shack itself was decked out with television aerials, wifi signals, and the majority of it was run off various motors and car batteries. After strawberries and coffee, that went surprisingly well together it was time to hit the road twice, metaphorically of course not physically, well I suppose physically but not in a violent manner.

Prague was on the horizon and all was left was to pop on the internet, and of course let anyone who wants to read about my adventure, do exactly that.

P.s. from my day in the sun, I somehow managed to get a backwards t-shirt tan. I put sun-cream on my arms then proceeded to take my t-shirt off later in the day, forgetting to re-up the cream. Now I have red shoulders, chest, belly, and tops of arms, the bottom of my arms, a slight brownish twinge. I am a backwards sun-burn. Always remember to wear sun-cream kids.

World Cup Fever

I say it's world cup fever, not just because the world cup is on, but because, it has very quickly spread around the world like the H1N1 virus.

Every facebook status, every conversation, every pub, and every television is themed on the World Cup.

Now I am openly not the biggest fan of football but I do enjoy the World Cup when it's on, but does it really have to dominate every facet of life like this? Whilst writing this blog I am yes, believe it or not watching football.

Realistically I have no idea who's going to win because I don't know enough about football to make an educated decision, but from the disgust of a lot of my friends about the performance of the English team so far, apparently they are in with a chance. Either this, or like every major competition that England plays in, the media has overly publicised the fact that the World Cup is on and with an internationally renowned manager and the 'talent' of some of the English players, they are in with a fighting chance.

As of recent times however the entire country has destroyed Fabio Capello in the media, and figured that he's the worst coach in the world. I remember a time not so long ago, when everybody raved that they had such a clever and experienced coach, and this seems to be the case with many an England manager. Sven, Keegan, that red headed prat, and even Capello now have all been victimised by the British public.. The interesting fact being that all of these managers have had winning records. In for the past 55 years only two coaches have had losing records the reason being both of these managers were simply caretakers after another had been fired and they only coached 4 matches between them both.

The realistic problem being is that maybe, just maybe, the England players aren't talented enough. Blame it onthey're lack of playing time together, blame it on the media's high expectations, blame it on the high profile of the players caring more about earning money than playing for their national team, blame it on what you want, but is it really that fair to pin all the blame on the manager.

The fact of the matter is that the talent hasn't really been there. There are a select few world class players; Rooney, Gerrard, umm, I'm going dry now. But also players play within systems for their clubs and it's very hard for certain players to adapt to different systems.

So all I'm saying is, there will be a lot of pointing fingers at Capello and he will probably be fired but lets try picking on your beloved players on the actual pitch first.

Rant over

Stream of consciousness

So I wanna watch game 7. It starts in 2 and a half hours, it lasts for two and a half hours, the time now, 1 o clock in the morning, I don't think I will.

What I do wanna do it repeat the same nightly process that I have had the past 5 days.

Is Iced Tea, Iced Tea, if the tea doesn't come with ice?

Can you really trust jobs off craigslist?

Home is around the corner. I will miss Prague.

Hot Tub Time Machine looks like a cool film, shame about the title.

You know what else looks like a cool film? TOY mother STORY fo-ing THREE! Hell to the Yeah.

I hate shaving but when its worth it, it's worth it.

That will be all...

...Actually it wont, COME ON BOSTON!

Tour guide Out

Between a rock and a hard place

The rock is several miles in one direction and the hard place, perhaps even further in the opposite direction. It doesn't really worry me that the rock would suck just as much as the hard place, sometimes you just want something.

People with direction in their life fascinate me. I think everyone obviously has direction in their life but when you're at a crossroads, you sometimes get envious of those who are on one of the many paths that are available. They may regret their decision later to take said route, it may be catastrophic but, they have at least moved in a direction.

I suppose it's a bit like the greener grass thought process also. The intersection isn't a bad place to be standing. I suppose people who are not on the intersection may be jealous of the fact that I have so many options available but, occasionally you think it would be nice to have the courage and conviction to take that first step, whether the eventual destination is said rock, or hard place, just knowing would sometimes do.

...yeah

The Underpants Embargo

There comes a point in every man's life, in which they have to face the inevitable. One has to step up to the plate, take the hit, take that extra step toward truly becoming an independent human being with much to gain out of life.

There comes a point in every man's life, where you have to buy your own underwear.

As a male in this species we call human, this concept is new to all of us at some point and I'm sure anyone reading will fully understand completely, but for those of you, perhaps many of them women, who don't understand, allow me to ellaborate.

As a women sure you do have underwear bought for you up until a certain age, but you are almost eased into buying your own underwear by going out with your mother to buy underwear for yourself, this then leads into you going shopping with your friends to buy underwear and you become very adept and comfortable with performing this task from a younger age, lets say for arguments sake, early puberty.

Now lets flip the coin. The average twelve/thirteen year old boy, firstly would hate to have been seen dead with their mother shopping, not to mention shopping in a store that has male AND female underwear practically on the same rack. In some higher classed boutiques, you may be lucky enough to have an aisle in between the areas but the level of embarrassment for a boy who's voice jumps up and down like a kangaroo on speed to be discussing a small cloth that covers the area they are the most self conscious about, IN PUBLIC, is just straight up, ridonkulous.

So because of this crazy level of embarrassment in said situation, young, adult, pubescent males refuse to go shopping with their mother to buy underwear. Thus the mother becomes solely in charge of buying the underwear. There is an exception to this rule, during Christmas for example when Mum doesn't buy the underwear, Santa does. During the majority of the time though, no boy will ever buy their own underwear.

Which brings us up to the present day. I am a 21 year old male, and I have never bought my own underwear. How is it done? Where do I go? Should I set a budget? Do I want sexy underwear, or go for comfort? What is sexy underwear on a male anyway?

These are the problems I am faced with ladies and gentlemen especially since the job I currently do requires me to expect a lot more out of my underwear as I walk around constantly, completely juxtaposing their original job of collecting my farts.

So wish me luck, because whether it be tomorrow, the next day, or a year from now I, Huw Hopkins will have to step up to the plate, take the hit, take that extra step toward truly becoming an independent human being with much to gain out of life. I will have to buy my own underwear.

Review: Dr. Brown Inc. presents a Dr. Brown production of Dr.Brown's, Dr Brown

The FRINGE festival is in Prague at the moment with many a show to see, and when I saw the advert with the title of this show, I felt i had to see it.

I went in to the show with not much of an idea of what I was going to see, and I left... pretty much feeling the same way.

Dr. Brown is an act that is based upon random acts and comedy, with not much else. The artist behind it, Phil... something or other, has come up with a character that is a wonderfully awkward person.

The show opened with Dr. Brown entering with a helmet on and a blindfold, through a door based in the middle of the audience and he proceeded to try and make his way to the stage, blind. This involved feeling his way to the direction of the performance space, and do fulfill such a task he had to feel everything. Everything. Some members in the audience had never been felt in such a way in their lives. Aside from breasts, crotches, asses being felt up a lot of the audience members lost much of their belongings with one gentleman having his bag rifled through, only to reveal an apple, which Dr. Brown decided to eat. This interaction, despite being hilarious went on for slightly too long and could have probably had a funnier impact had the timing been cleared up, but once he eventually got to the stage the show began, I think.

From the first ten minutes of the show, you could compare Dr. Brown's awkward personality to that of Mr. Bean and as the show progressed there were real moment of comedy genius from the interaction with the audience to the weak magic tricks.

This involved a clicking of the fingers and reaching behind a curtain, on first instance to reveal a pineapple. The theme of random appearing objects was sustained throughout the show with the addition of tables, chairs, tea sets, bananas, that were cut up and thrown into the audience.

A real moment of comic genius was when Dr. Brown tried making himself some tea. The spoon being used was a soup spoon and simply to big for the tea cup, so despite all his best efforts, he decided to pour some of the tea into the giant soup spoon, then revealing a smaller spoon from his pocket to mix the tea together in said large spoon.

While my description does not do it justice, the performance and the timing of it was supreme and this being a perfect example of how much potential this character has.

To get away from giving too much about the show up, we wouldn't want to ruin the horrific surprise that you would have. The show changes most nights with just some loose ideas to hang the show on.

While Dr. Brown was initially introduced to us as a blind man in a suit with a drivers helmet on, it ended as opposite as it possibly could have with the doctor changed to a window, half naked, dressed as a belly dancer with a blonde wig and with one ball of his scrotum hanging out of his underwear bearing the Queens face on them.

With a bit more structure and perhaps a story to the whole show, this could quite possibly be one of the most incredibly popular characters on British Television, but as it stands? It's simply a hilarious show that you have to enter with a very open mind. If Phil does decide to add some structure however, expect to see Dr. Brown as an internet and comedy sensation.

Music Review - CCTV AllStars

CCTV AllStars – Worth keeping an eye on

This Swedish-Czech-American-Brit-Mexican hybrid has combined talents, styles and sounds from all over the world to create the best album you are not listening to… yet.

When asked the question what they think they sound like, the first answer is ‘a car crash’ and if they’re not your new favourite band simply from that answer allow me to go into more detail. CCTV Allstars are the best ska band you haven’t heard of since Adequate Seven. They combine the funky beats with what they call Full Rhythm Music.

The band set up consists of Lead Singer, and acoustic guitarist Eddy Allen who produces singalongwithyourfriendswhiledrinkingbeers style lyrics and fuses them with political statements telling any government around the world, to go fuck themselves, in the most polite way possible. The bass and drums keep his wackiness in check while maintaining their own level of insanities respectively, and the melodies fly up, down and all over the place with the trumpet and trombone making these songs worth listening to.

The global impact comes through on the album as each languages Allen sings come in all shapes and sizes stirring up English, Czech, and Spanish without ever compromising the feel of the song, so much so, that you always feel you understand the lyrics. This is clear on Puto Babylon and the hidden final track on the album The way you’re loving me as every half a line the languages change.

The band isn’t just a giant mass of noise thrown together though, like all the best albums ever created it has tender, more down-paced moments. Just A Word has this with Busker’s Song that has the lead singer reminiscing of a short while before he met the other band members, busking on the streets by himself.

To see them perform the album live makes you want to bring the band around with you 24/7 for when you pull out your iPod generic mp3 player and put them on. The energy and excitement that they reproduce it with live cannot be contained on any recording. All members are dancing, chanting and singing along without ever fluffing notes.

To sum up, these guys rock, simple as. The hard rock roots, with a fun, fast-paced, ska-style sound fused with Latin beats and controversial lyrics make them one of the bands to keep an eye out for in the near future. Due to their international relations they often play shows around various continents. They’ll be returning to Britain in September for the Stroud Fringe Festival, which is always host to a number of other awesome bands and they still have slots up for grabs. So if you have a band that you think can wrench the gut out of Gloucestershire then sign up now @ http://www.stroudfringe.co.uk/default.asp

But for now, check out more information on the band here; http://www.myspace.com/cctvallstars

The most annoying job in the world...

... is searching for a bloody job!

I haven't posted much recently because what time I do have on the internet is usually spent sifting through pages and pages of jobs in preparation of my return to the mothership.

Job hunting sucks. As a writer the best way to search for jobs online is to search through websites dedicated to writing and bloggin, but rather than job offers there, you know what I find? People posting adverts about themselves. Often going something like this:

If you're looking for a writer, to write articles, blogs, reviews, anything! Then I am the person to speak to then I am the write (see what I did there) person to ask as I studied Creative Writing (or some not too dissimilar alternate to this) at University.

Sound like anyone you know? Yup thought so. And you know what the annoying thing is I bet those people have a blog exactly like this and might possibly be writing about their frustrations on their personal job hunting.

My biggest worry is that I'll return home after a very successful year of living abroad and have to resort to my main area of experience and expertise - the services of retail and selling, a.k.a. a f*@%ing shop assistant. It almost leads me to believe that my 2:2 degree in Creative Writing with Drama is worth nothing...

... quiet you.

Hopefully next time I post there'll be some more positive news.

Peace

Brolly Conduct

Have you ever stood at a bus stop when it's raining? There's no room under the shelter so you are left to stand in the rain, surrounding you are several other people with umbrellas. I'm going to take a moment to break this situation down two-fold.

Problem 1: Lack of you're own umbrella

Now everybody has a day where they are feeling particularly retarded, perhaps you are one of those people that it happens often to - you are not alone, or maybe you just don't own a brolly, in which case that's your own fault. However everybody has a day where they are left with no protection from the harsh rain. Should you spot one of these people, be a hero, offer them to share. Now understandably if there are three people under your umbrella already then I'm sure Mr Being-rained-upon won't mind. If you are the grumpy sod who's standing there in a suit, waiting to go to your big lawyer meeting, holding your briefcase with a lack of flamboyance to look professional but loud enough look to impress people, whilst listening to spoken word, pretentious poetry on your iPhone that's reserved for music because you prefer Blackberrys for texting then throw another person a bone. Offer them to share your umbrella. It's just nice.

Problem 2: Too many brollys!

Everyone's stood in a crowd at a bus stop or a street crossing and been surrounded by sensible people with umbrellas and you have remembered yours today. It's pandemonium. You get tangled up, bang one into the other, maybe tear a hole in one from one of your spokes then you feel guilty but don't want to offer them yours because, well... you'll get wet. It's the same when walking down the street and you see a sea of dry people with they're own protective covers on a stick. Now this particular situation takes some skill and discipline but can be overcome. It's all to do with eye-contact. You have to make sure each person you pass knows what you're going to do with your umbrella when you both pass and attempt to avoid a brolly collision. A flick of the wrist to the left early can allow the on-comer to do the same ever so slightly so when you pass both people can remain dry by keeping the umbrellas close enough to keep the rain out by acting like a moving jigsaw puzzle. This is probably the hardest maneuver to execute but the simplest - and my personal favourite - for the Brolly Rookies (i.e. Australians, Californians) is the old Up and Under. Sounds, as it is. Again with eye contact you let the opposite umbrella holder your thought process and whoever makes the first move will raise their umbrella high enough to avoid the other one while they lower there's ever so slightly. It's smooth efficient and executed correctly can keep everybody dry.

Keep that in mind next time it's raining, especially when you remember to take your umbrella.

Signing off.

Booooooooreeeedd

Ok so I'm online waiting for some Czech dude to send me some slideshow so I can proofread it and I'm bored of waiting so I'm going to write here for a little bit? You don't mind do you? Didn't think so, if you did, you probably wouldn't be reading it.

Pina Coladas are so last year, mango coladas are the shit.

Needing a new iPhone.

Changed a lot of different currencies today to go home. I got somewhere close to 1600 euro. There's an expression for this... I think its; Boo Ya!

Have got a book called 'I hope they serve beer in Hell' that I'm looking forward to reading. It seems similar to a kickass book I read last year called 'The Alphabet of Manliness'

Speaking of Kick-Ass, has anyone seen that film yet? I thought it was shamazing.

Seriously Mango Coladas. Do it.

Going home Saturday, started packing, got bored, stopped.

Ooohh, ooohh also: Got an email from a dude who said he's gonna pass my CV on to the right dept in his magazine maybe for a job.

Also applied to be an intern at SLAM magazine, in New York. Should be interesting.

That will be all for now, need to check if the proof reading thing has arrived yet. I'll be back soon to talk more about PLAYOFF BASKETBALL!

Cau

So no one told you life was gonna be this way...

Friends have that special talent of turning a frown upside down, of turning the grey skies blue and every other overused saying that you want to add.

Because the truth of the matter is, there is no amount of writing that can let you know important these people are to you, so I don't know why I'm trying. But best friends are everything someone needs. There are those people that can say just a few words that mean so much, even when you know that they are always there for you, that reminder every once in a while can make a really shitty day positive.

Those people without friends in life (and there are enough of them that those with friends should not take them for granted) are understandably sad in life. I don't mean that in an offensive or jokey way either. It's really quite sad when you think that some people in this world don't have friends they can rely on being there for them.

So I guess this is just me letting my friends know how much I love them

xxx

Kladno visit... or thereabouts

Just when you think you can't drink anymore beer, you go to a beer festival and re-kindle your love for it.

Katka and I decided to avoid all the loviedovie crap of Prague on the 1st of May and got out of the city to go to a beer festival. The excitement was saturating as we made the bus journey to Kladno, only to find that there was no beer festival, instead we had to catch another bus toward the airport - who puts a beer festival at the airport? Alas we bought another bus ticket and made our way to Velke Dobra.

The festival took place in a giant field and as the bus approached it we got our things ready to run off and grab the nearest liquid sex we could find, but the bus didn't stop. Why wasn't it stopping? Where are you going? No wait, the festivals back there.

We ended up walking back in the direction we came from a couple of hundred yards because the bus driver, I think was just teasing us. But when we finally got there, Katka's first choice was Bakalar, which as I later found out is always her first choice... but with good reason.

As we were drinking we decided to scope out the best beers and make our choices for the days consumption.

The walk around the field offered many an exciting prospect of alcohol. The consensus pick for our first one (the Bakalar was just to warm up) was a corn beer. We were extremely lucky to have the last corn beer of the day as well as one with a raspberry flavour to it, both were amazing but the corn beer was especially tasty - it would go down as the best of the day in our opinion but there was still more to come.

We did make a quick stop for food at this point and there was plenty to choose from. We went with something substancy; bramborove, patatas bravas or potatoes with cheese ham and spices in english. And God said it was good.

Back onto the beers.

The next two beers were a weizen (wheat) and a cerny (dark) and they were not brilliant. They were good but in comparison to the previous ones didn't stand a chance so we sat down, relaxed and watched some crazy Czech ladies sing crazy czech songs in crazy czech outfits and a beer drinking contest. In the form of a boat race, this was a very one-sided affair as the winning team won before the first contestant on the second team finished his beer.

Out cups were getting close to empty by this point so I went to the toilet and Katka bought the next two beers. These were good not fantastic but good, and we had to drink them quickly because it was clear that despite still being early in the afternoon a lot of the tents were running out so after making quick work of these we grabbed some more food and made our final choice. Can't remember it by this point, but it was a good one, sorry I can't tell you much more than that.

On the whole an incredibly successful trip and one that we will do again in the near future no doubt. Stay tuned for more information - if I can remember it.

Na Zdravi

You can take the boy out of Wales...

University was supposed to do it, but it didn't. So I had to leave the country for it to become clear. Whatever it is I'm going to get out of life, whatever I intend on doing, it's gonna be at home.

Now I'm not admitting defeat just yet, this isn't me signing out of Prague and tourism, quite the contrary, it has just become clear that right here, right now, I think where I want to be is in Britain in some way shape or form.

My time in Prague has been the time of my life, I love it, I want to come back, I want a holiday home here, I want to take it behind the bikesheds and get it pregnant but as for me permanently living abroad for an extended period of time, I think I'll leave that up to my brother.

I'm not done just yet, I do have the rest of the summer, but with me going home just around the corner (a little over a week), I'll be doing some soul searching and maybe... book a holiday.

My time at home is something I'm really looking forward to especially with the prospect of seeing some university friends. I'll be in Wales for a few days also with some real food cooked by real people, not Philippines pretending to be chinese, I want a proper chinese cooked by Polish people.

But really that was the point of this adventure really wasn't it? To find a little bit of myself, well guess where I was hiding - Prague apparently.

I've found it, I've got it, it's here in my pocket and I'm going to make the most of it, whether its now or in September, at least now I know what it is.

Over and out

Let's talk basketball

A lot of people may get bored by this post so if you do just click off it, I have one or two other posts you can read but those of you who know me at all understand that I am a big fan of NBA basketball so right now is a particularly favourite time of year for me.

PLAYOFF BASKETBALL!!!

The playoffs are a time where the basketball giants collide, there's no bollocks of the Lakers vs Wizards or 76ers vs Pacers. These are real teams playing every night playing for the championship.

Gotta start out with talking about my favourite team - Spurs

San Antonio are in a good position: 3-1 up against conference rivals the Dallas Mavericks, so I'm loving that, especially as a 7th seed this is a good thing. The team has struggled all year with new players and several injuries but it has all come together at the right time to make a big push, because they're 'star' player Tim Duncan, he's not the physical specimen he used to be so this could be one of the final (albeit a longshot) attempts for a championship for the big fundamental.

The favourites - Cavs

Who else could it be? For the second year running they have won the regular season with the most wins and with a healthy squad of all 15 players they should breeze through the playoffs and into the finals, the only problem being the potential upenders...

Upenders - Magic

Orlando destroyed the odds last year when they upended Cleveland en route to the finals and they reloaded this year swapping one slightly passed it all-star for a slightly more past it (but slightly hungrier) all-star in Vince Carter. Btw I still love Vince I think he has a lot to offer and they have proved it by running up to the 2nd best record in the NBA.

Other potential winners - Lakers

You can never count out Kobe. Even though there will always be the 'Jordan is better' slogan hanging over him he is the only player that I have seen that truly has the killer instinct in him that even comes close to his Airness. The problem right now is Kobe's body is falling apart just a Morris Minor going down a cobble-stone street. He only has three fingers on his shooting hand, has knee and back problems and it seems that the rest of his team only want to play when Kobe is playing well, so they'll be interesting in the final rounds but should be in the Western Conference Championship (with Spurs).

The Darkhorse - Spurs

This may be me getting a little bias excitement but I truly believe everything has come at the right time for the boys in San Antonio. When you compare the other teams in the West; Suns and Blazers are gonna beat each other up for 7 games, Denver is on the brink of being forced out by a frankly weaker Utah Jazz, and even though I really want to root for OKC I think I do have to reluctantly agree with many critics that say that they can fight but not upset the Lakers... yet. Which could leave the Spurs in the Conference finals with the Lakers which I think would be more of a chess game between the two legendary coaches rather than all out talent. So we might see San Antonio in the NBA Finals one final year, whether they'll beat Cleveland (or if anyone can) is another conversation but I'm not counting them out just yet.

Maybe there'll be an update next week, we can see how my predictions are turning out

PEACE

Thoughts for the day

Skateboards!

Skatboards seem to be the cool thing for teenagers between 12 and 16 right now in Prague. Has anyone else noticed the number of people you see with a skateboard around this age? And it's not as if you even see them riding said boards, they're holding them.

In the past week I've probably seen 20-30 people with skateboards, a total of 3 have been riding them and those people were over the age of 25 easily. This says to me that the skateboard is less of a hobby for the majority of these teenagers and more-so a fashion accessory.

I rode skateboards when I was younger, as did a lot of my friends and when I was out with it, I hated being off it. Granted being in Prague with cobblestones everywhere doesn't make you really wanna ride that much but the people you see with them, don't look to be the kind of people that would regularly work up a sweat skating (fat). Also their boards look in pretty decent condition, like they've hardly been ridden. I personally used to go through skateboards every couple of months, they cost a fortune I know but through the amount I used them (and the amount I failed to land any trick I attempted) they'd usually end up pretty battered pretty quickly.

You know what else is interesting? Paloma in Spanish means pidgeon. You know that actress/singer Paloma Faith? Her name means pidgeon religion. I wonder what she fills out on her census form?

That will be all...

Monkey Writing pt.2

Wake up silly rabbit. Wait don't get out of bed too fast though there may be a problem with the light fixtures. Good Ok we're back on track. All these distractions are getting the better of us, if we moved this in to the dining room we can get back to business.

Are we going to go through with the plan then? I believe so but previously Harold has found problems with this particular method of getting back.

Why? whats caused such a lack of confidence? Well everybody keeps on getting stabbed in the neck with pencils.

AAaahhhh godamnit you and your lack of imagination.

It was at this point that I stood up and stabbed him in the neck with a pencil.

The end

Show me the light

Even when you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel you know it's there, but if you can't actually see it at this point in the tunnel is it worth plowing on. Because it is there, you know it is, it's just the possibility of turning around or maybe escaping through a sewage tunnel might be an easier route. Especially if said tunnel has become increasingly frustrating and potentially not worth the bother - for this metaphor, lets just say there are a lot of other cars going through the same tunnel in rush hour.

The thing is, is there are other options open and even though the ultimate goal was to reach the end of the tunnel it's not as if there's any particular reward for reaching it (maybe the opportunity to earn a little more money) but when there are other things to see, people to do etc etc. it's like... really? The shortcut is there, it is an option.

Travel Writing: Corfu

The CD's didn't play music, or hold data, and I certainly didn't pay to put my images on them in TESCO. The silver discs look tacky when you see them at home, where they rid birds from play areas and farms. Here, however they look in place, and mirror the mirror image of the sun sparkling off the sea in the distance, as they dangle from the balcony ceiling.

Here, you overlook the long concave beach that is Agios Stefanos. Unlike its namesake on the opposite, most Easterly point of Corfu, this town is busy, but never feels saturated.

The long walk toward the valley town meanders past houses similar to the one at its peak. These houses have been turned into simple apartments that provide enough privacy for the tenants, whether you're there for a few days or several months.

The town offers what we would consider pubs rather than clubs. Nonetheless, dancing is encouraged, your own freeform or an opportunity to become part of the entertainment with traditional Greek dancers. Dancers, of whom seemed to please the majority of female traveller, for some odd reason unbeknownst to myself.

Back at the CD's, the view of the beach offers an inviting change of scene - as opposed to sitting privately, poolside in your peaceful villa, watching the birds as they feel comfortable enough to sit with you at the water's edge, and take a drink - the sea, sand and serene views of miniature islands a few hundred metres off-shore, cause even the most imaginative travel writers to fall back on mundane, mediocre metaphors... or alliteration as the case may be.

The path directly from the apartment opens up onto a part of the beach more peaceful and relaxed than that of further down. Although slightly more populated, this busier part of the beach has more opportunities for the tourists. The beach bar sat next to the beach volleyball court is twenty yards from the beach ice-cream van that nearly hides the beach sign offering some fun for the more ambitious fun lovers.

I met an older gentleman in the pub/club the previous night. He made me an offer. Unfortunately he was not interested paying a million pounds for my wife but instead offered a boat ride for the equivalent of about 20 pounds. No ordinary boat ride, this involved sitting on a rubber ring that was tied to the back of said boat as he hurtled around the quay.

They may not be from TESCO but the CD's do hold images of some sort. These images represent the family that own the house you stayed at, and their home downstairs. They are of the Greek Dancers, or being dragged along the water by a tugboat that looks like it can't reach 5 knots, let alone leave you shaking when you get off. These images are of Corfu, Greece and they will most definitely come up when scrolling through that ever-growing list, of where you'll want to retire.